This really struck a chord with me. I have found this to be true on multiple occasions here. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not unhappy here by any means. In fact, most of the time I am really enjoying my time here and feel so grateful for this opportunity to live and travel abroad at this point in our lives. However, I do also have to acknowledge that at some points, this life here can feel a bit lonely. I had one of these moments just a couple weekends ago. We were at a party at a friend's house with a large group of other expats. Despite the fact that there were tons of people there, I couldn't shake a nagging feeling of loneliness. Sure, I was making the rounds and chatting with most of the people there, but it just felt strange or foreign for some reason. I have met wonderful people here, and everyone has been so very welcoming. I know that the people I have befriended here will forever be important friends in my life since we've shared such a unique experience. But, that night I just felt what I can only describe as loneliness. I missed people who know my background, people who I have inside jokes with, people who know my family, etc. It was indeed a strange experience. Again, not a lasting feeling, and most definitely not something I feel all the time here (in fact, it is usually quite the opposite), but it was just a strange experience.
The more I thought about it this week, I realized that that loneliness that sometimes sneaks up on me here may also be mixed with or caused by a bit of homesickness. There's not necessarily a physical home that I'm "sick" for, but more just "familiarity" that I get homesick for- familiar faces, familiar places, etc. I recently found this pin via another favorite travel/expat blogger (you can find her blog here).
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| http://pinterest.com/pin/313281717798986106/ |
I LOVE this quote. I absolutely 100% agree with the sentiment behind it. I think that the "price" to pay for this wonderful life/opportunity we are experiencing is indeed missing out on things "back home," and feeling inexplicably lonely at strange times. Missing out on things back home has been very hard- my dad's 60th birthday, holidays, my good friend's baby's first birthday, not being able to be there for my friends (in a physical or at least convenient time zone sense), heck even missing out on silly things like the Houston Rodeo! It's not that there is someplace I would rather be, because I really am happy to be where we are now. I guess it's just more that I wish I could be two places at once. Someone please invent a teleporting device!
Anyway, not to be Debbie Downer at all- I suppose I was just feeling a little reflective recently. I usually don't post things like this, but I do want to remember these emotions as well as all the excitement and opportunity when I look back on this unique time in our lives.
I feel like I could've written this seven years ago when I was studying abroad in England. Despite having many friends (who I still see often and keep in touch with), I was extremely lonely. It's also something people who haven't been in your shoes will be able to understand, and if you try to explain it to them they'll most likely look down on you for not "enjoying" your experience wherever you are. Expats get it, and I'm thankful for that. For some reason, living in another country this time around is a million times easier for me. I think it's because I have my husband here with me (I was single and in college when I lived in England), so we can share everything together. I think it's fantastic that you're writing and sharing about how you feel. I love going back to my old posts and reading what I was going through and thinking during that time!
ReplyDeleteGlad you identify! And so glad your move this time has been much easier. If we have to move abroad at another time in our lives, I can only imagine/hope it would only get easier.
DeleteI completely understand and relate. There's so many highs and so many lows. It's hard to miss out on everything back home, but I like to think we fill up the emptiness from missing out with wonderful adventures we'll take with us ... when we do go home. =) Thank you for posting.
ReplyDeleteSo true about all that we will be able to take with us- and that will STAY with us when we do eventually return "back home." That's a good way to think about it!
DeleteI think the hardest part for me was missing weddings, birthdays, baby showers, etc. All of my good friends had big "life moments" when we were living abroad in Scotland and we couldn't fly back. Now that we're moving around in the States, I'm dealing with being alone all the time. It's difficult to make new friends when you're not working.. but I've found that signing up for yoga, photography classes, etc helps a bit.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely agree! And yes, it is definitely harder to make friends as an adult I've found- even more so when you're moving around. Good for you for being proactive with classes and other social opportunities!
DeleteI really needed this post! Thank you! That pin is so perfect and I completely agree with everything you said. Growing up we moved all the time (by college I think I had moved 13 or 14 times). Then I married someone in the military so the moving continues. And, I love the adventure. I love getting to explore somewhere new, have new experiences, meet new people, etc. But, we are going to be leaving Hawaii soon and it's just starting to hit me and make me sad. Like Rachel and you were saying above, it's hard making friends as an adult and leaving Hawaii means leaving behind the life and friends we've made here. So, it's definitely bittersweet for me.
ReplyDeleteBittersweet is exactly right. Where will you be moving to after Hawaii? Australia perhaps? ;-) Best of luck with your move and your next adventure. Thank you for your support and understanding!
DeleteI definitely felt that when I was living in Singapore and it was only for a few months! But I was alone, with my boyfriend still back in LA, in this culture that I thought would be somewhat familiar since I'm Chinese, but totally wasn't. Plus, it didn't help that I had a falling out with the friend I was living and working with.
ReplyDeleteI didn't feel it at all in my year studying abroad in England though. Perhaps because in college there is just so much to do? Plus, interestingly enough, I was either too clueless to notice cultural differences or there just weren't that many.
I'd love to move abroad with my boyfriend! I think that'd be super fun.
~Mary
((little fat notebook))
It's interesting how different factors can determine whether you'll experience some of those feelings while abroad or not. Thanks for stopping by, and I look forward to reading and following along with your blog as well!
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