{Hidden Baby Chronicles} 15 Weeks - A Navel Orange

June 26, 2014

15 weeks = 3/8 of the way cooked.  Crazy! 

Photo Thoughts: Still feeling like this is a "watch my hair grow" photo series.  Where my bump at?!  I think the blog world is tired of seeing my bloat/food baby. 

How I'm Feeling: Still the annoying preggo that feels really good and has very few symptoms.  Sorry?... Definitely starting to notice the beginnings of the major body changes that are in store... which kind of took a bit of a toll on me this week.  More on that later.

Baby/Bump: Baby is the size of a navel orange this week.  Apparently there is lots of movement going on in there with all of the baby's joints and limbs being able to move now.  Baby is looking less like an alien as its ears are now in the proper place and its eyes are moving more toward the front of the face.  Phew! 

Symptoms: More bloating/filling out in the waist area.  Still nothing even beginning to resemble a baby bump though- well, unless it's right after I have eaten a big meal.  Then it's really easy to mistake food baby + preggo bloat for a real baby bump.  I'm also starting to get some seriously annoying pregnancy acne (face and body).  Ugh!  This week I think the baby must have been growing a lot because I had some off and on (at least once a day) cramping.  Well, maybe cramping isn't the right word.  It felt more like twinges and sharp pulling/stretching.

Weight: +4.5. I would totally be pretty OK with this number... if it weren't for the unfortunate event that went down this week and the subsequent overly dramatic body image crisis that followed (see below). 

What I'm Anticipating: I'm starting to get a little bit anxious to see when my belly will actually "pop."  This awkward, in-between stage is getting a little tiresome. I guess I'm just ready to feel like I'm "gaining baby" instead of just feeling like I'm gaining weight. 

What I'm Stressing About/Worries: 2 major worrisome/stressful events for this week:

-I know the timing is not ideal, but I am still looking for a job (the job I have now is just part time and meant to be temporary).  I keep telling myself that by law, an employer can't discriminate against me just because I'm pregnant.  But I do worry about how that revelation will go when/if I find a new job in the next few months. 

-I finally had my first real pregnancy hormone overload emotional meltdown.  On Friday the 13th (of all days), I was just about to head out the door for work.  I bent over to put on my shoes and RIIIIIIPPPPP.  My jeans ripped right up the butt.  I began crying immediately, and threw myself a pity party for a good 15 minutes on the floor of our bedroom.  I was definitely late to work that day.  At the risk of sounding totally vain, this really shook me up for the rest of the day.  It was my first real moment of acknowledging the fact that my body is really beginning to change, and that this is something that (for the most part) is totally out of my control.  I know the changes are all for good reason.  I'm growing a human being for crying out loud- and it's actually pretty amazing that our bodies can do that.  And as ready for that as I thought I was in a lot of ways, I think this very tangible visual- the giant hole in my jeans- made it much more real and scary than I was ready for.  I've struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember.  I've just always been one of those people that gains weight really easily. But I never really felt totally out of control of my weight.  I knew what to do if my clothes started feeling too snug, and I'd feel a little better a few weeks later... but that's not really going to be the case anymore.  In a lot of ways, to accomplish this amazing feat of growing a human being, you really have to entirely surrender your body.  And that's something I'm struggling with more than I anticipated.  So now I'm just really working on accepting all of the changes my body is going to undergo and acknowledging that this is surely the first of many tough body image issues likely to come with pregnancy and post-baby.  But mostly, I'm trying to focus on being thankful and appreciative for the fact that my body can do all of these things to grow this sweet little bub. Wish me luck... 

By the next day I already started feeling better about things.  I dug out another pair of jeans that still kind of fit, and broke out the "Belly Belt" that I had purchased a few weeks back.  That thing made a world of difference.  It's a genius invention, and it made me feel like a new woman.  The should really market those things to the general public around the holidays. :-)

Diet/Cravings/Aversions: Up until this week, I had still been loosely following the eating plan that I had been using before getting pregnant when trying to lose weight.  Don't worry though, I definitely increased the calories to be out of the "lose weight zone."  My goal was to keep with that plan through the first trimester, and I'm glad I did.  So this was the first week that I gave myself permission to put that regimen away for the rest of the pregnancy.  It was fun this week to be a little more free (but still conscientious) in what I ate.  I'm just hoping I can still keep the wait gain moving gradually, even with this change. 

Sleep: Still really good, still impossible to get out of bed in the mornings.  I'm snoozing a little later each morning and seriously now don't have even a second to spare before I race out the door to work.  I'm usually not too tired throughout the day though (once I finally do manage to get out of bed), although one afternoon when I came home from work, I was exhausted.  I had my gym clothes on, but made the dangerous decision to lay down on the couch for just a minute.  That zapped about 98% of my gym motivation, but after about ten minutes of not falling asleep, I surprisingly did end up making it to the gym. 

Gym clothes on, ready to go... but I'm "resting" on the couch.

Dreams: I'm adding this category because I seriously have been having some crazy preggo dreams.  Usually they have nothing to do with babies or being pregnant, but I had one this week where I was changing an awful dirty diaper.  And it was just never-ending... like the entire dream that is all I was doing. 

Movement: Still too early for that, especially for a first-time preggo.  I think sometimes 2nd and 3rd timers feel movement earlier.  I'm guessing nothing until 18-22 weeks. 

Boy or Girl: Who knows?  My mom thinks it's a boy.  And she's visiting with her side of the family this week, and they all seem to think boy, too.  I haven't had any real intuition regarding the gender since the last ultrasound when I had a strong boy feeling.  That has kind of faded though, and I'm pretty 50/50 now. 

Highlights of the Week: It was so fun continuing to share our news this week.  Now all of our close friends are in the loop.  There really is nothing that compares to the experience of surprising people with baby news and hearing/seeing their reactions.